My daughter had three major projects due this week... THREE. We managed to complete two and a half. They are her projects, so why do I feel like it's finals week and it's all on my head? I guess in a way it IS on my head. I'm the one that has to make sure that the work gets done (you know being the "responsible" parent and all) and I'm the one that got her into these classes to begin with. One of them, in particular, was a bit of a stretch for her (more aimed at a high school crowd), and the result is that I have had to walk her (no, maybe drag is a better word) through it all step by step so that she will understand. I'm resolved not to push things so hard next year. It's not good for either of us. When I'm dragging my usually gung-ho child, something is definitely wrong.
The flip side of this is that we'll get through this tight spot and amazing work might actually be produced. At that point I'll probably think, "Well, maybe it was all worth while." This pushing and stretching can be good for her. Kids usually live up to the expectations we put on them. If you expect mediocre work, well, you'll probably get mediocre work. I tend to expect more than that, but it is a fine line to walk. Too much pressure can push a child over the edge into believing that they are dumb and incapable of doing what they should be able to do, or rebelling and simply refusing to do anything at all. Too much pressure can turn a bright and enthusiastic kid into a timid, moody, unhappy one. This is the line I walk every day.
The only way I can keep my balance is to constantly remind myself of a few things.
One is to always be respectful and to listen. Respect is a two way street. I can't expect my kids (or anyone else's kids) to respect me if I don't offer the same courtesy to them. I try very hard also to be available and really listen when they tell me things, even if those things are phrased in the form of a whine or and tearful temper tantrum. I will always listen even if I don't always deem it a serious complaint. I've been sorely tested on this of late with my son's long rambling monologs about Super Mario Brothers (see this post for a laugh). It doesn't help that he also mumbles and I frequently have no idea what he is talking about. I'm trying though, I really am.
Calmness is essential. I have to try constantly to separate my own anxieties and issues from what is going on. This is essential if I am going to remain rational and not cause everyone to crumble into a heap of squabbling and tears. I've found that the phase, "If Momma ain't happy nobody's happy." is surprisingly true. I strive to think and not merely react. Sometimes what pops into my head is most definitely NOT the most constructive response. All week I have been trying to keep my personal anxiety to myself. Why? Because I know it's not constructive and will only make things worse. This brings me to my last thing.
Perspective. Keep the big picture in mind. We may be struggling right now, but if I have the big picture in my head, I can decide when to fight for a particular outcome and when to let things go. This difficult class my daughter is taking can be a great growing experience and so I will strive to get my daughter to do the best she can. Still, there is a limit. There will be no all-nighters. There will be no shirking of other duties. We will get done what we can manage. Why? In the long run, this is not a class she will get a grade in and if she needs to take it again three years from now, she can probably do so and get a lot more out of it than she did this time. My larger concern is that she doesn't decide from this one challenging experience that she doesn't like science so much anymore.
We'll get through this and on to the more free-flowing summer. I daresay we are all very ready for it and will enjoy that change immensely. Just a few more weeks. Breathe in... breathe out. Ahhh, life is good.
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