Why am I doing this?

Someone asked me a couple of weeks ago about homeschooling, and as I answered their questions, I realized that my answers have changed over the years. In the beginning, I think I was a bit defensive and either declined to say much or ended up giving a long diatribe about all the great things my kids get to do. These days, I find I try to get right to the point. No, my kids do not lack for social interaction. Yes, we get out of the house a lot, in fact, we are rarely home. Yes, we belong to a wonderful homeschool group that has been an endless supply of friends and opportunities. The hardest part of it all is that there is very little down time or personal time for me. The best part is that I get to really know my kids in this brief time when they are growing up and that I get to continually learn new things myself.

There are days when I severely lament the lack of time to do things for myself like exercise, get a haircut, or purchase some clothing that is not 5-10 years old, but I also feel like one of the luckiest women around. I am engaged in daily activities that matter to me, and I am being constantly challenged to do better, to learn more, to try something different, to grow as a person. Way back in college I realized that I could never hold a job in business. I could never live doing things that in the end make no difference, that didn't matter to the world at large. I went into the field of biology thinking maybe I could do some small thing to make this a better world. Maybe I could be a fighter on the "light side of the force". Things didn't exactly pan out the way I had planned. The first thing that happened was, I had kids. Next, I realized that my biggest, most important job was to try to turn these two wild animals into functioning, well adjusted human beings. When it became apparent school wasn't going to work out, I decided it again. Yes, I could go get a job and send them off to a private school I could live with, OR I could stay home and teach them myself. It seemed like a no-brainer. Why would I have kids and hand them over to near strangers to essentially raise? What could be more important than raising well-adjusted, happy, conscientious people for the next generation? What could be more important to me than my own kids? What a privilege to have a job so near and dear to my heart.

I hope there will come a time that they don't need me as much and I can dip my feet back in the world of conservation, ecology and animal husbandry. If I do, I may be a bit rusty on the technical things, but I sure will know a whole lot more about people, kids, history, science, art, and any number of odd things than I ever did before. Hopefully that time will come before I am too old or sick to do anything worthwhile. In the meantime, I'll do my best and hope that when they are grown they'll tell me I did a good job.