Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Tween?

tween

I've heard this term "tween" a lot but not payed much attention to it in the past. After all, until I have one, it's not worth worrying my already crammed and overworked head with it. However, recently my daughter, who is just starting to show signs of leaving little-kid-hood, asked me with great trepidation if she was a "tween" and I had to go in search of some clarification in order to answer truthfully. There is actually a wikipedia page on this. It says:

tween is a North American neologism that describes a person who is between the ages of 9 and 12 years old (grades 4-7).[1] The term is often described in popular media as referring to a pre-adolescent (usually female) who is at the "in-between" stage in their development when they are considered "too old for toys, too young for boys".[2][3][4] The "tween" stage ends with the onset of puberty.


Tweens are "in-between" being a child and a teen. They are children in the sense that they are not yet teenagers, but they differ from small children in that they are not primarily occupied with play.[5] They are often going through a period of rapid social, physiological and emotional development. The tween years are a time of the most rapid and dramatic change in development since conception.[5]


Well, I'd like to know why this applies mostly to girls, but I will agree that it is an awkward stage. Too young to be a teen or do all the things open to teens, and yet not quite wanting to do "little kid" stuff anymore either. It seems like a no-man's-land of human development. I see this in the sudden thoughtfulness and real helpfulness in my daughter. She'll surprise me by offering to do something truly useful for me or for others in a way that is so mature, I have to wonder where this new person came from. At other times she seems to revert back to toddler-dom with completely irrational tantrums and fears. Having a bad cold this past week, she was convinced that the congestion in her throat was going to suffocate her, and no matter what I said or did I could convince her otherwise (this is just a sample of the kind of craziness we used to get a lot). A couple of weeks ago a loud wail brought everyone running just to find out that she was in tears over another dredlock-like knot in her hair. I'm glad it wasn't a broken bone, but geese, the hysteria definitely didn't fit the situation!...Oh the drama!

Another aspect is that, even though she has always been "strong willed" and tenacious (don't you like that word?) when she wants something, lately she seems to be getting a perverse pleasure out of arguing with me. It's almost as if the actual argument doesn't matter, but the sheer joy of not backing down and trying to get the last word is really the point. The completely perverse flip-side of this is that she suddenly can't seem to make her own decisions anymore and frequently wants me to make her decisions for her. Someone please tell me this is normal!!

I do remember Middle School and how painful it all was. I thank my lucky stars that she doesn't have to go into that morass of hormones and growing up too fast at the schools. She can continue to socialize with the amazing girls we already know through homeschooling and decide to grow up at her own pace. For now I guess I'll sigh and chant "keep calm" in my head and hope that I can help her while she tries to figure out who she is.

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